SomewhereAwful.com - Awful People, Places, and Situations and how to deal with them

TMZ is reporting that Michael Jackson has died of cardiac arrest. CNN isn’t reporting it yet, but twitter is buzzing about it. Word is that he choked on a pair of little boy’s underwear. Da da dum!

They claim they performed CPR in the ambulance but they were unable to revive him.

RIP, you perv.

Something strange happened in the world of Google today. Has anyone else noticed Google subdomains not working?

I am unable to get to my usual calendar.google.com and docs.google.com.

I also used this awesome site to verify it wasn’t just me!

This guy takes his show WAY too seriously. On live TV, after getting pranked non-stop, he starts vomiting up a white creamy substance. If you want to fast forward to where it all goes to hell, start at 3:00.

If you receive a letter like this, beware! They simply take your 37 dollar “membership fee” and you’ll probably hear nothing ever again. I received this letter yesterday, and I live in the Pensacola, FL area.

This letter looks legit.. they even have a website: http://www.unionworkerscredit.com

But the fact that they asked for no information other than my signature raised a few flags. Their website is also littered with ads, not very professional.

Here is the letter. Click to enlarge:

Union Workers
Credit Services
1327 Empire Central
Suite 130
Dallas, TX 75247

Credit Limit: $10,000 for: (my name)
Member Status: PLATINUM
Classification: PRE-APPROVED
Expires: 04/01/09
Interest Rate: 5% APR
Credit Provider: Union Workers Credit Services
Address: (my address)
Bank Affiliation: None
Service #: (number)
Approval #: (number)
*Applicable Law: Florida

CONGRATULATIONS (name)!

It’s nice to inform you that you have been identified and PRE-APPROVED for a PLATINUM CARD Membership from Union Workers Credit Services with a GUARANTEED $10,000.00 credit limit valid exclusively toward all credit purchases from credit provider!

You don’t have to worry if you have been denied access to a VISA or MasterCard. The UWCS Platinum Card Membership offers many benefits including a LOW, LOW interest rate of 5% APR all because you are PRE-APPROVED.

Full details of your membership and its exclusive benfits will be included with your new Platinum Card. Your satisfaction is assured by a 60 day refund of money guarantee!

This is a limited time offer and all deadlines are final, so act today. Failure to do so may result in your loss of your PRE-APPROVED status. Please enclose your annual membership fee of $37 by check or money order along with the attached Platinum Card Activation Form by the deadline shown below.

note: the $37 is fully refundable with your first purchase using your $10,000.00 credit limit.

(in smaller print):
YOU HAVE BEEN APPROVED FOR THIS PLATINUM CARD MEMBERSHIP OFFER BECAUSE YOU SATISFIED CERTAIN CONSUMER CRITERIA. VISA AND MASTERCARD ARE REGISTERED TRADEMARKS OF VISA INTERNATIONAL AND MASTERCARD, INC. RESPECTIVELY, AND ARE UNAFFILIATED WITH THIS OFFER OR UWCS. CREDIT AMOUNT REFERENCED HEREIN SHALL NOT BE CONSTRUED TO FUNCTION AS ANY TYPE OF MULTI-PURPOSE CREDIT CARD AND IS EXCLUSIVELY APPLICABLE FOR CREDIT PURCHASES FROM UWCS. ADDITIONAL CREDIT MAY BE GRANTED IN THE FUTURE AT CREDIT PROVIDERS SOLE DISCRETION. FAILURE TO RESPOND BY EXPIRATION DATE WILL RESULT IN TERMINATION OF YOUR ELIGIBILITY.

Two weeks ago my sister bought a new cell phone. Last Thursday, after work, she crashed on the couch to watch some TV. Her son came into the living room, noticed the new phone sticking out of her purse, and asked if he could play with it. She said it was fine as long as he promised not to call or text anyone, and he agreed.

Around 11pm she started nodding off during the news, so she decided to tuck her son in before going to bed. She went to his room, but he wasn’t there. She found him sleeping on her bed with the phone in his hand. Browsing through the phone, she noticed only a few minor changes, a new background, ringtone, and a bunch of photos. She began deleting some of the pictures he had taken until she came upon the last one. It was her son, sleeping on her bed, but it was as though the picture had been taken by someone standing over him. It showed the left half of what appeared to be an elderly woman’s face. Nobody in my family knows who this is, and her son didn’t remember anything. We ended up filing a police report.

Here is the picture:

Only in America can you purchase a fifth of vodka AND a gun at the same time. Plus, you don’t even need to get your fat ass out of your car to get them!

I’ve had an Aspire Visa card for about 3 years now, and today, finally, I got a letter stating that they were discontinuing Aspire Visa. During my time with this awful credit card company, I’ve never made a late payment, and my limits were regularly increased.

I called to verify today that the entire Aspire program was being shut down (not just my card).

Here is the letter I received today:

NOTICE OF TERMINATION OF CARD PROGRAM

Dear _____________:
We must regretfully inform you that we are discontinuing your Aspire Visa Program. Consequently, we have closed your account to new transactions and may refuse to authorize any new transactions effective December 2, 2008. Further, effective immediately, your credit line is $x.xx.

Please note that even though your account will be closed to new transactions, you will remain obligated to pay us at least the minimum required payment on your existing balances and any new balances in a timely manner. If you have a balance, you will continue to receive monthly Aspire Visa billing statements.

Please tell your utility companies, Internet providers and other retailers or merchants to stpo any automatic charges to your account immediately. You will remain liable for any such charges that may be posted to your account. We apologize for any invoicince this may cause. If you have any questions, please call us at 1-800-820-3054. Thank you for your attention to this important matter.

Sincerely,
Aspire Visa

OBAMA WOOOOO CHANGE!!!!

He thinks he’s people

Watch out behind you when you’re playing Nintendo Wii!

The audio alone in this video makes it worth playing.